So I want to respect people’s privacy and not be airing other peoples’ business.
At the same time, I want to get YOUR opinions on a matter that many of us face at some point in time.
So forgive me as I am being purposely ambiguous with the details. The details don’t matter anyways. Just think about the main idea.
Love is a beautiful thing. But love can be tricky. It’s not always fun and games.
I had/have these 2 friends. I met them as soon as I moved to Tucson. They were a new couple at the time and were mad-crazy about each other.
But, as happens with time, the relationship had some issues. People aren’t perfect, ya know?
No – no one cheated. No – there was no physical or emotional abuse. There wasn’t any 1 specific thing that happened. There was an accumulation of lots of little things. Happens this way all the time. Unfortunately, the relationship was not strong enough to weather the rough patch. Eventually, after almost 2 years, the couple split.
It was hard for both of them. Both felt saddened and hurt. They had a hard time seeing things from the other’s perspective. As an objective observer, I knew that both people had legitimate grievances with the other. No one was completely faultless. But no one was a complete “bad guy” either. When it comes right down to it, they just weren’t right for each other. That’s all. It was a little heart-breaking for each of them.
The thing is, 1 of them is a co-worker and colleague. We don’t work together on a daily basis, but we see each other frequently. It was kind of assumed that this would be the “half” of the couple that I would stay friends with (let’s call this person “Pat”). I’ve seen Pat hurt. I’ve seen Pat cry. I’ve tried to help Pat recover & move on.
Meanwhile, the other person (we’ll call this person “Jaime” – like how I’m using gender-ambiguous names?) I thought I may never see or hear from again. Immediately after the break-up I sent Jaime a text saying that I hoped they were doing okay. That was it. No more, no less.
Well – it’s been a few weeks now. Things are still fresh and the wounds are still healing. And out of nowhere, Jaime sends me a text today to hang out. The thing is – I know that Jaime doesn’t have a lot of friends here. Jaime was new to the city & quickly fell into the fold of Pat’s friends when they started dating &, consequently, never made a separate group of friends.
Well – I feel kind of the same way. I’m relatively new to the city. I don’t know a lot of people either. It can be lonely. I don’t have a lot of friends here. Not only do I empathize with Jamie’s position…..I feel like I could use the friend, too.
So that brings us to the big debate: Is it okay for me to be friends with Jamie, or should I stay away? Like I said, I work with Pat and I kind of feel like hanging out with Jamie may be the equivalent of “cheating” on Pat. At the very least, I know Pat would feel a little betrayed. Do I need to maintain “loyalty” to Pat? Or is it okay to be friends with Jamie, since I’m an adult after-all, and I can pick my own friends, thank.you.very.much! I’m torn on what to do. I don’t want to make things awkward at work, but maybe I can keep the two friendships separate?
Have you ever been in this situation before? What did you do? Did it work out?
Does this all seem a little too reminiscent of of high school to you?
Have you, personally, ever experienced a break-up that has caused you to loose friends?